I clutched my black leather handbag firmly and walk off the Monday blues today. It was a fine Monday morning. It’s started off pretty much as I envision it. My red kurung was nicely iron and pressed. I felt I’ve grown up a little today. I do not know if I depict what she want us to portray in our walk, talk and dressing, but I am pretty sure that my bright red kurung is alarming enough to cause few head turn today.
I stop listening to my favourite DJ today just to keep my mood check. I love her ramblings no doubt about that but her topic of conversation is rather gloomy and bleak these days that I was always under the weather by the time I reach my office. I have this negativity hanging over my head for the last couple of weeks. Like a little Astro dish picking up all the negative stuff around me.
Self-doubt is such a pain in the derriere. I sometime lost the sense of myself even my precious self-worthiness goes very quickly down the drain trapped in some murky water along the sewage treatment plant. At some point, I stood so low and feeling so small. I’ve learned that to take it seriously all people view, perception is just a dumb move.
Today, I have to sit through another tormenting session. First people are surprise to learn I’m 29 going to 30. Which is rather delightful actually, that I seem so much younger than I am but subsequently the 20 questions started. I do not know why some people think that they know what is best for other people. That one remedy works for all. Heck I sometimes am not sure of those myself. They think that being married as early as you possibly can is a sure factor to lifetime of happiness? but I’ve seen marriages of 6 months, a year or even 10 years failed. Where is the assurance in that?
I just keep my mind busy playing with my hot honey latte cup. I know how far behind I am to the crowd, I do not need someone to remind me of what I already know. I do not wish to be part of the crowd if, by being in with them means I have to just take whatever lay before me. I do not want to just pick randomly out of desperation. If I want to I would have done so. Like other people I knew, we want to pick what is best for us. The luckiest found it early but some has to wait till we are ready.
I just turn off my mind for a while, just until the long 20 questions session finishes. I smile and keep drinking my honey latte. My red kurung is still prim and proper after a long day today. I enjoyed the free mandarin oranges of the kitchen bar, laughed occasionally to my mate lame jokes and shy off to my table, packed and headed down to my car.
For what it worth,my heart is still in tact today, not a scratch.