Conversation with my guts

Panting. I just finish unclogging my bathroom sink. Surfing mindless stuff and occasionally pretend to be quad-lingual talking in multiple languages. Hurray Google Translator! I can order room service in Swahili 🙂

That’s a side; I am in dire need of a writing therapy so here goes…

You see, sometimes stories of people around you impact you so much that it is impossible for you to get it off your mind. Unconsciously, I’ve been trying to sabotage my life by getting myself buried deep into all their problems. I am now overly sad and under the weather. Divorces, affairs, money, money, frustration, loneliness, lost, polygamy, monogamy, man’s man, girls’ girl: – you named it, and I’ve heard it all this week.

*Silent

Dreadful so I asked myself; what is happiness? What exactly we need to be happy? Why is it that there is so many sad lives lay bare upon me?

We human are such a hungry being. We feed on and on and on as long as we can. We never easily satisfied. Never content with what we have. I am becoming overly unsatisfied with what I have, sorry Depp you have to listen to me scrawling and ranting about mindless stuff. I’m sorrier if I make you worried of stuff  that you and I have no control off.

So I pick myself, have a sit and asked my guts. What is being happy?

To me, happiness is just a matter of perspectives. It’s a state of mind. It does not have a definite answer or a standard way to measure.

I’m having a “every-girl” panicked recently …worried of biting the dust, drained my egg, heirless, penniless, loveless, partnerless (I can continue on and on you know) and end up old hag with 40 cats in a raggedy old house hence making myself miserable in the process.  At the scheme of things, it could be true but on grandeur view and spiritually I have faith that greatness in store for those who wait.

I am trying my best to balance out feeling of wants, frustration and contentment so I may reach the equilibrium of things and be at peace with everything. I myself will not settle for anything less just to be in the same page as everyone else. I knew it in my guts that I for once will not married or settle for conveniences but for what I want and love.

I don’t feel like I’ve achieved what I need to achieve, but it’s like scaling a mountain and you reach this amazing plateau where you can see the heights that you’ve climbed. You take a short rest, kick off your shoes, perhaps doze off for a while, feeling the wind on your face, taste your position and the amazing view, you contemplate life’s little questions and then you look up and see the rest of your journey, unhindered by clouds, a magnificent path to the peak of your existence.

Phew.

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