Worry borry lorry

Things aren’t what it seem. On the exterior I look calm and collected. I tried; oh boy I really try to be different. As much as I hate to say this I have failed miserably. But then, as I sat myself in my crowded bedroom I realize one thing. To be different is one thing but to deny your self is another. I am as what God made me. A woman through and through. I’m easily tempted, jealousy arises at some point and I enthused by instinct and emotion, whether it is rational or otherwise. I can’t always beat myself every time I move or act irrational. Women are kind of irrational being. That could be a weakness but that also are our advantage. Love is complicated. We can’t always rationalize everything about it either. We want him for ourselves. Only ours and not others. Somehow being in love we often forget that long before he is ours, he was and is someone else’s someone. That’s how irrational I can be. Luckily we got brain to filter out what heart’s want. Being in love, you do not only experience the wonderful feeling, the warmth, the longing but also frustration and anger. After few years of courting, you wanted to push the relationship to another level where’s there are wedding bells required. $$$ will come into pictures now. I am frustrated. A frustrated irrational woman I am.
Our culture has evolved so much that we like to complicate simple things. Our society progress is still in baby steps years. We have yet to matured and reach the like of certain culture where they have finally realize that simplicity is how to life in the world.
World are complicated enough for us to complicated it even further. Let me spill the beans here, I like some of us find that it is no point in having a big, grand (of course expensive) wedding. I do not understand the point of inviting everyone north south and west. I do not fancy a long – 3 days 4 nights kind of wedding. I do not adore, splurging money on buying too expensive dress that will later remain in the closet collecting dust. I am a simple person. Of course I love nice things but within reasonable ground. I want simple, sweet, short and rather private wedding. In the most ideal situation, I want to get married and have a reception surrounded by not more than 500 people that knew me and I knew them (plus mom and dad’s closest friends of course). A simple akad in the morning and a reception at night that finished off around 10pm. Akad perform at home followed by simple makan-makan to the people. To me wedding is the not pinnacle of life. It is a celebration of a new start. A new, unknown and scary journey that some people are lucky enough to experience. I do not wish to empty and drained my “water bottle” at the starting point of a marathon. I want to keep some for the journey. I wish to not hurt anybody with my request, especially the parents. I wish to have it the way I want it also but I knew to have it 100% would be somewhat impossible. Your wedding is your parents wedding. But all I want is to delicately infuse the thing that I want in it and shrink the cost to the portion that I am comfortable to stomach. Then again the next hurdle is the one we call – The relatives. Too many words and idea are put into parents’ brain that they finally cave in. The budget of a size of peanut grew into watermelon. The dowry – are often manipulated. Dowry means hantaran, gift or offering to the bride for the kenduri or reception. Dowry in dictionary means a present that someone voluntarily gives to the bride as a token of appreciation. In other word, a gift is something that we gave to some one out of our kind heart with no intention to burden the giver. However Malays mind have become so distorted that they somehow value a person by the dowry size. It is like a must for someone that are highly educated to receive higher dowry value that those SPM leaver. This is absurd and I am extremely against such believed. Some unreasonable relative will start questioning the parent decision of the amount of dowry for their daughter. Some people will cave in and increase the amount that eventually burdens the bridegroom. I have male friends that have to except such unreasonable demand but vows never to take their wife back to in-laws after marriage because they are now poor and on huge debts. Who would in their right mind wanted to start a life with that kind of problem? Mind you lots of marriages fail because of money problem. Sigh.

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